Being Grateful for Everyday Things

Life gets busy. Crazy busy. There's always something to clean, fix, make or do. Day after day. Week after week. It never seems like there's enough hours in a day to get it all done, let alone enough time to just sit and be. In all the rush of life, it's easy to forget to take a moment to be grateful for the simple, everyday things. I'm not talking the big things, like being grateful for family and friends or what you'd say as you go around the table at Thanksgiving. I'm talking about the small things that are so easily taken for granted. The little things that can be easily overlooked when they really need to get the recognition they deserve.

I've realized this and am working at taking the time to think about the positive things in the day, even on the worst day when the kids are screaming, milk is spilled all over, paint is dumped, the house is a mess and the to-do list is crammed full, can actually make the day better. No matter how bad it's going. It's kind of like a personal meditation, a chance to realize that even at the worst moment, there are wonderful things going on to make it all worth it. Just thinking about a few good parts in the day helps me to reset, fix my attitude and get back in the fray. I'll admit, it doesn't always work, but on the whole, it's helping me to think more positively. It's also helping to get rid of some of the stress I have to deal with all the time. Being a mom isn't easy, so there's plenty of that going around. Anything I can do to get rid of even a tiny bit of it is worth it, especially when it's this simple to do.

Nothing I've been grateful for lately is anything outstanding by itself. 

When I look back at a few days though, I see all the good things in my life. The  good starts to overshadow the bad so that I start seeing more good, without even trying. I'm finding myself not even having to purposely stop and think about it. The good things pop into my head now on their own. When life is particularly hard (like when M2 painted the counter, wall, two chairs and bathroom the other week, making a giant mess I had to clean up while B screamed because he wanted attention right then) I have to work harder at it.

I'm not perfect, I'll never be. I'm never going to be a cheery Mrs. Mary Sunshine type, seeing rainbows and kittens everywhere. When life is nuts, I'm not going to be sitting there humming, saying, "Oh, it's ok! Everything is wonderful!" That's just not me. Early mornings and I are never going to be friends, either, no matter how pretty that sunrise is or how grateful I am for it. However, I am determined to have a better outlook overall though and to recognize what good things are in my life. Seeing only bad just makes life harder.

Being able to see good even during the bad is going to help me be a better mother and teach my kids to see life in a more positive way.

Have you ever noticed how kids see the magic in everything? Every day is an adventure. Every hour is a chance for something good. Laughter comes easy. Life holds promise. I don't want them to lose that and to focus on the bad. I want them to see life as they do now, beautiful and wondrous. Kids learn by example, so I need to be that example.

During your crazy days, feeding the kids breakfast, cleaning up the messes, breaking up the latest argument and trying to diffuse the millionth tantrum, look for the good. When life is going great, the house is clean, you got out to do errands, the kids are listening, look for the good. You'll be amazed how easy it starts to be. You'll start to see how great your life really is and how much you never realized is special about each day. The little good things will become more important than the bad. You'll start to see that magic that your kids do again.

If I really get my act together, I'll make a nifty journal and write down a few good things about each day. Realistically, I'd probably not even get through a full week and it'd sit to collect dust, taking up valuable real estate on some surface. Mental notes are going to have to be good enough.

What good things have been going on lately? 

Seeing M2 and B having a dance party. M2 creating a neat picture in all the paint mess and her being very proud of it. Listening to music during breakfast. Watching M2 go crazy watching Harry Potter, screaming, "Potter fly! Potter fly!" B grabbing his sister's brush and running off with it, just to see if she notices. Finishing a new coloring project. The snow coating the trees in our yard. The moon lighting up the entire street, casting a glow so bright it looks like early morning. Snuggling deep in the warm bed sheets. Finding a discount grocery store in our area that'll help cut the food bill. Renting movies from the library. Finding two books that have been on hold for months, that I really wanted to read, available at the library -- both on the same day. Reading a new author that I like. Having a pizza with A and watching a movie once the kids have gone to bed. Listening to a new, catchy song. Eating sweet, juicy strawberries even in winter.

Like I said, all little things. Things that may seem silly to others but help me feel calmer, happier and thankful for my crazy, busy life.

Please vote for me by clicking the brown Top Mommy Blogs banner below, then the ORANGE button on the following page to cast the vote. Thanks!!

Life Balance, Simplified

Sex and the City has been playing on my Kindle often lately. It's 25 minutes of pure entertainment and voyeurism into the lives of four New York City women -- so not at all like my own life, yet I keep finding parallels that get me thinking. Which led to an epiphany in my quest for life balance this year.

Even if we live out in the country and no where near the city (let alone single or having crazy sex in said city), we somehow relate to Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha. Why? Because we're all like those four women at heart. There's our creative, stylish side, our ladylike, well-mannered side, our sexy, daring side and our professional, career-minded side. Those women are us. And like those women, we're all searching for something in our lives. Some of us are at that point of seeking out the awesome career. The perfect relationship for us. The child we want badly. The job we love and kick butt at. The fun night that is all about us.

Where we are in our lives changes the search and ourselves. We go from the career and marriage to having kids that become our worlds. Our search becomes one for balance between being mom and wife and our jobs (whether it be in an office, working from home or working in the home). We struggle to find ourselves in the ultimate search of who we are in that messy unbalanced life. Our lives are crazy and messy, always changing. Whenever balance is almost in our grasp, something else shows up as easily as Big in his sleek town car to change our lives again. We're in constant struggle to find the perfect balance between life and ourselves. Yet, life is never as neat and orderly as Charlotte's well-appointed apartment.

So what's that mean for us? Are we going to always been searching for that balance, chasing our tails, just to never find it? I don't think so. It means that we need to find balance in the moment of our lives we're experiencing now. Sometimes, we'll need to focus on our creative side, other times our careers or relationships.

At the center is ourselves, though. We need to be sure we don't get shoved to the side or lose who we are or we'll always be out of balance in our lives because ourselves will hanging on desperately to the merry-go-round rather than operating the controls.

And when life throws us a man in a town car just as our current life is going great? We need to be flexibly agile to keep our metaphorical high-heeled Louboutin's from sticking into the sidewalk grate and tripping us up. All we can do is stay up on those heels, find the balance that's best in moment of our lives, and keep walking. A glass of wine every now and then doesn't hurt, either.

Please vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs by clicking the brown banner below then the big, ORANGE button on the next page to cast the vote. Thanks!!

This post contains affiliate links.

My Word of the Year

I've seen this everywhere lately: People picking a word of the year. It's kind of like setting goals, though this would be the overarching goal and theme for the entire year. What is it that sums up all the goals, where you want to be at the end of the year and what the year is going to be all about?

We were talking about this in my wonderful stay-at-home moms' group recently. It got me to thinking what my word of the year should be. It didn't take me long. With all I'm working toward, the answer was clear. Transformation.

I want to transform myself and my life in many ways this year. As you read, you'll probably notice something that I did while writing it -- everything fits together and really does form a bigger picture. That lets me know I really did choose the right word!

Transforming my body
It's no secret that I'm working on losing weight this year. My goal is to lose at least 52 pounds this year. I'm simply not comfortable with my weight and am determined to change it for the better. I've been setting two-week goals for myself to help me get that weight off.

Transforming my health
This goes hand in hand with transforming my body. Losing the weight helps with my health. Eating healthier foods, drinking more water, incorporating more movement and exercise into my life, and focusing on my health all goes along with that. I'm dividing body and health transformation into two because it's just that important and that big of a change. You can also lose weight, yet still be unhealthy, or even just gain it all back because it wasn't a total life style change. Neither of those are something I want! I'm going for the whole package.

Transforming my inner self
I am the type of person who worries and stresses to much. I strive for perfection in everything. Even simple things, like which milk to get at the store. I want to be sure it's the right choice, the best thing I can do. As you can imagine, this leads to more inner turmoil than is good for a person. I'm working on letting go of all this. Inner peace is going to be found this year. Expect to see more about this, from what I go through to how I plan to change it, at some point. I haven't quite gotten all my thoughts together yet, when I do I'll share.

Transforming my blog
You may have already noticed a few changes around here. New banner, new tabs, some changes to the layout and follow buttons, small things like that. There are so many things I've been meaning to do that I haven't gotten around to. Slowly, I'm ticking them off the list one by one.

I've also got big plans for what I want to write, how often I post and improving content to give you what you want to read. I want to bring a balance of types of posts to the blog to give you the whole stay-at-home-mom life overview.

Behind-the-scenes things to bring in more much-needed income are also in the works. I'm even thinking about writing a book. The blog is my job and how I make my income so that's always a part of the bigger picture.

Transforming my life balance
Going hand-in-hand with transforming the blog is finding life balance. I often feel that I'm putting too much time into the blog when I should be doing more with the kids or keeping up with the house. Or, that I'm spending too much time with the kids but not enough with A or on my own. It's all about balance and I need to transform my life to find that balance between all the roles I play. (More on balance is coming up soon.)

Transforming my daily life
To transform my life balance, I need to transform my daily life as well to get everything aligned. I want to get on a cleaning schedule, have more activities with the kids, stick to meal planning, not be as attached to social media and electronics, clearing out household items I don't need and organizing so the days run smoother, and other things along those lines.

Transforming my finances
So much has changed in our lives financially over the past year. Using my usual budget, I want to get all the finances in even better order. New ways to save, not spending as much on material goods, focusing on what matters in life and the experiences vs the "stuff."


Please vote for me by clicking the brown banner below. When the next page comes up, click the big ORANGE button. Without the second click, the vote isn't counted. Staying high in the ranks helps me to get sponsored posts and make my income. I so appreciate your help!

Saying Goodbye to a Toxic Friend

Let's face it: Having friends as an mom is difficult. As moms, we're always busy, pulled in 50 directions and having a child screaming as though their head is being ripped from their very neck isn't really conducive to interesting, scintillating conversations. When you have a special-needs child, having friends is even more difficult. So when having a special-needs child reveals that someone you thought to be a good friend truly isn't, it hurts your heart.

Why am I sharing the following story with you? To inspire you to be there for your friends who have special-needs children, even when it isn't easy. We know it's not always easy to be our friend. It makes us appreciate you even more. Just as importantly, I want to encourage you to end your own toxic friendships. Recognize your worth. If you're a fellow special-needs mom and are hanging onto old friendships that no longer bring your life anything good, don't hang on just for nostalgia's sake. Life isn't the same. Sometimes, a chapter in a book has become so yellowed,the words so smeared, the pages so stained and torn that no tape can save it. You can't hang onto that chapter just because you remember when it was fresh and new, when the rest of the story has gone far passed it and it no longer has any positive bearing on the future.

It's truly amazing how having a child with autism brings out the best, or the worst, in those around you. The majority of our friends and family have been understanding, supportive and there when we need them. Then there's the random outlier, such as the friend I had expected to be the most supportive with what I've been going through. I mentioned some of what I was experiencing in a previous post. A friend since our early days as little girls, who has an autistic child herself, I thought I'd have someone to talk to for ideas, support and an a listening ear.

I found the exact opposite. From day one, she claimed I was making up the diagnosis; that my child wasn't autistic, she was defiant; and interrogated me over the testing, symptoms and so much more. Then the "friend" proclaimed that it wasn't fair that I hadn't dealt with autism as long as she had, that M2 shouldn't have been able to get a diagnosis so fast (which must mean the doctor was crap) -- so she couldn't deal with me and refused to listen to anything to do with M2. In truth, she barely talked to me because "she just couldn't deal." I was shocked. When I needed a friend who had been there herself the most, my "friend" abandoned me. I won't lie, it hurt. A lot.

The negativity continued. Hurtful comments and lack of any support were the norm. The "friend" took issue with the fact that I blog about M2's autism. She faulted me for getting M2 an aide, saying she knew others with multiple autistic kids who never got an aide. To her, it didn't seem to matter that every child and each situation is different. The prying questions didn't end either, even after M2's school agreed with the autism diagnosis.

I became uncomfortable with what I was being asked. There are certain things that were private and simply none of her business. Even after a team of school psychologists, teachers, therapists and other staff agreed without a doubt that M2 is autistic, my "friend" wouldn't accept it. Never mind that this "friend" had never even met M2, like the doctors, therapists and other specialists had.

It felt to me that in her mind, no one else could have a special-needs child or any difficulty in their life, except for her. No one had fought as long, had as many issues, went through so much, so their life couldn't possibly be difficult. No other child was as special as or needed help like her child.

When I tried to express my feelings, to tell her how much she was hurting me, I was told to get a thick skin and get over because tons of people were going to talk to me like she had. That she was allowed to say whatever she wanted and I should just get over it. She deemed necessary services M2 receives to be "luxuries" and gave the idea that my life is one of ease while she has to struggle. I was judged harshly and unfairly, while she bleated loudly that no mom should judge another mother.

No one's life is all rainbows and roses. We all have struggles, battles and hard times despite the happy pictures you may see on Facebook. Just because someone is going through something, it doesn't mean that another's problems are insignificant or unimportant. Good friends are there for each other, no matter how hard things are personally. So many people told me I should cut all contact with her. She wasn't bringing anything positive to my life.

Yet, for much longer than I should have, I let the "friendship" drag on, I made excuses for her. Well, her life is difficult right now. She'll come around. Her child has finally gotten a diagnosis, she'll be able to "deal" with me now. I tried to support her through hard times, despite what she'd been putting me through. Time and again, I was proven that my excuses for her were just that -- excuses. They weren't the truth. The truth was a hard pill to swallow and one I was slow in accepting.

Finally, I let my fear of losing a friend I'd known for so long and shared so much with get tied to the back of a pickup, dragged through a pasture of cow manure, get trampled on by a wild stampede and then thrown deep into a muddy, nasty, faraway ditch to rot. I ended a friendship that had been toxic, negative and done absolutely nothing good for my life for a long time.

I faced the truth that this was no longer a friendship or even a person I should have in my life. The friend I was hanging onto wasn't the one that was actually there. That person had changed long ago. Now, she was no where to be found. I finally accepted the truth that this person was never going to be there for me, would never accept me or my child for who we are. Would never acknowledge or accept that my problems and difficulties were valid and in no way diminish her own. I faced that truth that good friends don't do any of the things she'd done to me.

I quietly cut off all modes of communication with the "friend." (I've even gotten a new phone number, though that was by coincidence.) I've said goodbye in my own way, through this post and in my heart. Truth be told, I hope she never reads the post. It isn't for her: It's for me and you. What lies in front of me now is a brand new chapter, gleaming with newness. I may think of the warn-out, destroyed chapter now and then, but I know turning the page was the best choice.

Please vote for me by clicking the pink banner below, then clicking the GREEN or ORANGE button on the next page to confirm the vote! Thank you!!

Winter Contemplation

Winter is back, after teasing us with warm weather through all but the very end of December. Christmas was the first I've spent able to wear cropped pants and short sleeve shirts. The kids could have even played outside, had it not been raining. Usually, we're bundling up.

The cold weather, impending snow, bare trees and frigid air always get me to thinking and contemplating.

There's no denying the beauty of winter. The hush that falls over the earth as it naps, preparing to once again provide us with fertile land to enjoy and to plant seeds in. Seeds that grow and become a bountiful harvest for use to enjoy. A harvest that will help us get through another winter in warmth and with full stomachs. While the earth rests, so do we.

Under a blanket of snow, with the cold air snapping at our windows, we stay snug inside with fires burning. Tending to tasks of the home more than ones of the outdoors. Children focus more on their lessons. Time is spent with family, sharing stores, playing games, reading books. The snow is admired and enjoyed with time sledding, playing on the ice and general merriment. Hot chocolate is sipped, hot stews warm us from the inside out. At least, this is traditionally what this time of year has meant. It's changed over time with our modernization and technology.

Now, while the earth sleeps, we can, as we do all year, adjust our thermostats to compensate for the cold and stop by the local grocery store to load up on the food we need. Life continues as usual, with the snow and cold seen more as a nuisance rather than appreciated for it's beauty and the changing seasons of the year.

During winter, we need to step back a moment and appreciate the wonder that is around us. Moonlight and sunlight glistening off snow. The wonder of a child watching the delicate flakes fall from the sky, coating the trees, ground, roads, roofs and everything else beneath the clouds. A rabbit you may never know is in your yard, but for the little foot prints left behind in the snow. A cardinal, brilliant red against the white, feasting on the seeds in a bird feeder. The crunch of snow beneath your feet when you venture outdoors for a snowball fight. Children's laughter ringing joyously through the chill.

The days that bring no snow, yet are so quiet it's as though the world has stopped, just for a moment, to close its eyes. The cold that makes a hot cup of tea or hot chocolate taste, oh, so much better. Especially when it's drunk in front of a blazing fire while you're under a fluffy blanket reading a book. Time cuddled in bed, enjoying the warmth and cuddling with your spouse. Art projects and stories to entertain the kids. Time spent outside, bundled up warm, for a walk just to enjoy nature. Memories made of the kids sledding or ice skating. Hours spent wrapped up in a soft sweater, warm woolen mittens, knit caps, snug boots, cozy socks, and the downiest of blankets (as the situation allows). There's no better feeling than the snugness winter offers, should you accept it.

Fill your table with foods of the season, rather than ones that are available in stores just because of the ability to ship them. Fresh, sweet citrus fruits. Gorgeous, vitamin-filled squashes. Hearty stews, filled with beef and root vegetables, like potatoes and carrots. Crusty, fresh breads. Meatloafs like mom used to make. Homemade soups, such as chicken noodle and potato. Roasted chickens. Flavorful beans. Embrace what winter offers to nourish you in order to truly enjoy it for what it is. A time for hearth, home, reflection and memories.

Winter whispers of so many wonders that are there to delight you, if you listen. Let winter blend the days of yore, when times were simpler, with the life of today. Enjoy it.


Please vote for me by clicking the pink banner below, then clicking the GREEN or ORANGE button on the next page to confirm the vote! Thank you!!

New Year's Resolutions 2016 Edition

The new year is right around the corner. It's there, peeking around the corner, just three days away. Promises of a clean slate and what is to come beckon. No one knows what the next year is going to bring. I like to set myself up with a direction and goals for the upcoming year. Something to work on. Something to work toward. Evaluating the past year and figuring out where it is I want to go helps me grow to be a better me, as a mom, wife, blogger, daughter, friend, writer and everything else I am. Everyone is a work in progress so why not set yourself up in the right direction?

Looking back, 2015 held surprises I could never have imagined. I'm a planner, but what was thrown at us wasn't anything for which I'd planned. To be totally honest, I never saw any of it coming. So much in life is simply not possible to foresee no matter how much you try to prepare yourself for any eventualities. Some of the major curve balls I didn't see coming were M2's autism diagnosis and A's pay cut. Both changed our lives in ways we didn't expect. Both happened around the same time. Both sent us into a tailspin trying to find a new normal. It's still a normal that we're trying to find. The next year promises to be another year of figuring out what is to come. A lot of adjusting and figuring out what works best is in store.

While I can't control our income or M2's special needs, there are still goals I can set for things I do have more influence on. I learned long ago that we can't change other people or events, all we can control is ourselves and our reactions. Well, as much as we can because face it, sometimes we all just lose it. Emotions take over and we just go along for the ride. There's also the matter of realizing not all the goals are going to happen because, again, life is life!

e can plan, we can set resolutions, but in the end, as John Lennon once said, "Life is what happens while you're busy making plans." When it comes down to it, we need to roll with the punches life throws as the year goes on. Who knows what it'll bring. Take each day as it comes, do your best, focus on the good times, get through the bad with the help of those who love you and make the most of the time you're given. 

With all that out of the way, here are my 2016 resolutions.

Find balance

I've been feeling out of balance lately as a mom, wife, blogger and even as myself. I want to find the balance between the different aspects of who I am so I can be better at each.

Manage expectations

I always expect too much of myself and sometimes of others. This year, I want to manage my expectations so that I'm not set up for disappointment.

Bake at the next level

If you've been around here for a bit, you know I love to bake. I'm always trying to improve my skills and expand my abilities. In 2016, I want to continue that. Cake decorating is one of the big ones I'm going to focus on. I've got the baking down, now my decorating needs to improve!

Lose to gain myself

I have a goal weight that is about 90 pounds less than I am now. I'm simply not happy, healthy or comfortable at the weight I am now, despite losing 87 pounds the past year. In the spirit of managing expectations, I know losing all that in 2016 isn't going to happen. What can happen is eating better, getting more exercise and losing at least 50 pounds. That'll set me up to lose the last 40 in 2017. I'll be losing to gain a healthier, happier me. I plan to finish out my "The Fat Kid" Tells All series and write more about my weight loss over the next year.

Acceptance

I've been working on accepting that I can't control everything, that life is going to take unexpected turns no matter how hard I try to see every twist coming. That is going to continue.

Budget

With our change in finances, I'm going to think up new ways to save, find creative ways to meet the budget and get our spending into a new normal that fits our lifestyle. I'll be starting out with looking at the budget from last year, seeing what has changed and setting a new one for this year using my 7 easy tips.

Family fun

I really want to do more fun activities and day trips as a family. It really felt like we didn't do enough of that this year. Building awesome memories in 2016 is a must!

Blog

I want to write more posts, like this one, that come straight from the heart. Sharing more of myself and my life is something I hope helps others when they're experiencing similar things. I'm always looking for books, stories, blogs, etc., that I can read and relate to. I hope to do the same for all of you. Plus, it's fun and interesting to hear about other people's lives, I think. In the plan is also doing some layout and design change around here.

Growth

Hopefully, I'll also gain a whole bunch of new readers over the next year as well! Writing engaging content you enjoy is going to be crucial here. To reach this goal, I could also really use your help. Please remember to vote for me by clicking the pink Top Mommy Blogs banner below. Top Mommy Blogs is the number one way people find The Stay-at-Home Life so the higher I rank, the easier it is for people to find it. If you haven't already, you can follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram. I share different content to each. Be sure to tell your friends and family about the blog as well. I so appreciate your help and support! 

Happy New Year!

Please vote for me by clicking the pink banner below, then clicking the GREEN or ORANGE button on the next page to confirm the vote! Thank you!!

Dear Self: You're Good Enough

Since M2's diagnosis, we've had so much going on around here. Life has recently taken another turn that's had us getting used to a new normal. At the advice of her current therapists, I started the process to get her an EDCD Medicaid waiver in order to get an in-home aide to help out with her. I struggled with the decision to get the waiver and an aide. I struggled with whether or not I was a good enough mom because I needed help with her.

It simply is impossible to go out alone with her and baby B, she either runs off down the street when I try to get her in the car, gets in the car but then jumps into the front then into the back when I try to grab her, runs off where ever we go plus in the parking lot, takes off down the street when we get home or some combination of those. On really bad days, she screams getting into the car, kicks the seat, and screams bloody murder and kicks the seat as hard as she can at any stop sign or light. Not to mention all that goes on once we get to where ever we're going. We can't even go for walks because of these issues.


There are no playgroups, trips to the park, going to church to meet people and get involved with the community, story times or ANYTHING unless A is home. With his schedule, that limits much of those activities. M2 also can't be left for more than a moment at home so getting anything done, even cooking dinner, is a Herculean effort that is usually an impossibility. Even taken care of baby B is difficult. Eyes must be on her at all times. For days each week, M2, B and I end up trapped in the house, even limited as to what we can do there, because it's just not an option for me to have to decide whether to leave baby B and chase M2 or let M2 run off.

Despite all this, I still had that internal struggle. I always feel like I should be able to do everything myself. I'm a stay-at-home mom, my job is to take care of the kids. I shouldn't be needing someone else to help us out. To have an aide would mean I'm not good enough. That I'm not what I should be. Plus, the idea of having a stranger in the house didn't sit well with me. I had the idea in my head that the house would always have to look perfect, I'd have to be dressed and I'd always have to be on top of my game at the peak of perfection to prove I'm a good mom. Plus, would the aide think I'm just a bad mom who can't handle her kid? What if she thought I was nuts and should just be able to handle everything myself? Would she be nice to M2? Would she understand M2's issues and be able to work with her? Would it really help to have an aide or would I just always feel on edge?

Every time I talked to someone through all the screenings, telling them what was going on, why we needed an aide, I felt as though what I was really telling them was, "I'm not good enough. I need help so that our lives will be better."

Realizing how limited we are and how little we're able to interact with the community began to change my thoughts on an aide. Deep down, I knew it was best for M2, B and for me. The stress, fear and difficulty with daily life was just too much. It wasn't fair to any of us. I pushed my second-guessing away and kept with the process. I fought every step of the way to get her the waiver. Even when I thought there was no way we'd get it, no matter how bad we truly need it.

It took three months, lots of phone calls, screenings and red tape to get the waiver approved. Let me tell you, people are not very helpful with getting services approved. Most didn't even seem to know let alone understand the process. Once the waiver was in place, it took more time to actually find an agency willing to work with a child. Most don't. Then of the few that did, only one even had someone they'd be able to send over. After more screenings, we were set up with an interim aide to start as the agency doesn't have someone available for all the days and times we need and for which we qualify.

The aide started with us three weeks ago. Since she's been here for a few hours two days a week, things are starting to change. I've left the house with the kids for the first time without A and without there being major issues. The aide is there to make sure M2 stays safe. That is her job. That takes away so much of my fear and the safety hazards we encounter in every day life. We're starting to venture out now, rather than being constantly trapped. I'm not as stressed when the aide is here. Once we have an aide for all the days and hours we need, there will be even less stress and fear. I even have an adult to talk to! The aide is kind to M2, understands the situation, and sees exactly why we need her here.

The house isn't always perfect. And that's ok. I'm not always even dressed or showered when the aide arrives. That's ok, too. She doesn't care. She's here to help, not to judge. She's offered great advice of how we can get other help we need, too. Not only is she there for M2, she supports me as well. I have an ally in making our lives what they should be rather than having to be a shut in avoiding danger. I've realized we all need the aide.

 And that's ok.

There's no shame in needing another set of eyes and hands.

I am a good mom.

I do my best.

We all need a little extra help sometimes with the difficult parts of our lives.

Realizing the help is needed and taking the steps to get it isn't failing.

I wasn't telling those people I suck. I was just telling them we need help.

Having an aide is doing exactly what I should be doing: what's best for my kids.

I am good enough.


Please remember to vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs by clicking the pink button below!


Affiliate Links

Wading Through Motherhood Remembered

Earlier this week when I was visiting one of my mommy  blogger Facebook groups I came across a post I wasn't expecting to see. One of my fellow mommy bloggers, Melissa Matters from Wading Through Motherhood, passed away suddenly. She leaves behind a husband and two young children. Just a few days before, she had been blogging and posting on her Facebook page. In a matter of hours, she went from sharing cute pictures of her children to her children not having a mother any longer. Her kids didn't know that day that it was the last hug they'd get from mommy. Her husband didn't know it was the last time he'd hear her voice. Her death was completely unexpected and surprising. She wasn't old. She wasn't sick. There were no warning signs.

In remembrance of Melissa, in the Broadway tradition of dimming the lights, I'll be going dark here on the blog until Thursday. First, I want to honor her memory with a blog post.

Melissa's passing has caused those that knew her in the blogging world to stop and remember all her posts that we connected with most. Melissa was an open, honest blogger who shared topics in which we all saw ourselves. Such as in her August 15 post, "Because I'm Not Perfect." In the post she talks about using paper plates for dinner, yelling too much, nagging too much, wearing mismatched socks, leaving unfolded laundry that may or may not be put away the next day, and other things. All done because she's not perfect.  

"And, there may be moments when the notes of imperfection seem to take over until our lives are filled with discord. It’s those moments of ugliness and character flaws that remind us that we are only human, that we need to slow down, get more sleep, and ask for forgiveness. It’s grace that allows me to get up again and again."

In her post from June 15, "The Illusion of Perfection,"  Melissa talks about how she enjoys going through model homes to see the new paint and beautiful decor. Everything perfect. Everything in its place. Yet, it's an illusion. Those "homes" aren't practical. They're not real. And even if her home were perfect, even for a few minutes, her life wouldn't be.

"There will still be disagreements and disappointments. My family isn’t perfect. I'm not perfect. Life isn't perfect. I don’t love my life all the time, but I do know that underneath the messes and the squabbles, there is a lot of beauty. There are some flawless moments weaved into the tapestry of life. And, that's not an illusion."

Through these posts, Melissa's words show us that no one is perfect. Life isn't perfect. In striving for perfection we're likely to miss the important things along the way. The hugs from kids who 5 minutes ago were driving us up the wall making another mess to clean up. The "I love you" from a spouse before bed after a day where we nagged them a bit too much or were a bit too snippy. When we see things that seem perfect, it's not real. Striving for perfection, holding ourselves to such a high standard as those model homes or what moms "should" do will only keep us from those things in our lives that are perfect -- The love we have for our kids. The love they have for us. The times spent with them and with our spouses. The memories made together that we, and they, will carry forever. Our honest, simple, truthful words that for even a few minutes touch another and show them that they're not alone.

Everything doesn't have to be perfect to have a life of happiness and love. A life that can be gone too soon, when we least expect it and aren't at all prepared. Leaving us not thinking of the times the laundry wasn't folded or crumbs coated the floor (for a few days in a row before we got to cleaning it up) but of those moments spent sitting around in mismatched socks eating pints of Ben and Jerry's, enjoying life and enjoying each other.  Not of the workouts missed but of the times spent laughing together.

And, in those not-so-perfect times that are bound to come and your emotions are racing through you -- such as when you lose someone you love and you're struggling with grief and loss -- remember Melissa's advice to just breathe.

"...when your toddler is throwing a tantrum and you feel like the whole world is staring at you, just breathe. When salty tears are bathing your face because you feel like you’re the worst mom and you’re not doing anything right, just breathe. When you’re racing around because there is too much to do and not enough time, just breathe. Breathe in the smell of your children’s freshly washed hair when they cuddle with you at night. Breathe in the aroma of your morning coffee, whether it be hot, warm, or stone cold. Breathe in the moments of beauty, the silver linings, all the small, good things. When everyone else has gone to sleep, breathe in the quiet night air. Breathe out all the negativity. Exhale and remember you can’t control everything. Remember that  it’s okay to feel anxiety, frustration, sadness...it means you’re human." 

If you would like to help support the Matters family during this difficult time, a Go Fund Me account has been set up on their behalf.

Affiliate Links